Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Custard Jim's Tale of Kevin Orean

This Is Kevin Orean

Kevin is a cool guy who has several names. You may or may not have heard of them Kevin Tracey or Banjo Fitzsimons are just a few. He isn't  famous yet but he will be. He is an awesome director.

His uncle Del invented the car Michael J Fox used to go back to the Future aptly named the "Delorean." His uncle greg invented a style of chanting that he sold to the catholic church for a small fortune in the early seventies. A chant he liked to call the "Gregorean Chant". Greg cleaned up with that little number but kevin himself is still yet to make his mark on the world.

He has a bumper sticker that says "honk if you love Jesus" and when people honk Kevin gives them the finger.

During the summer it is not uncommon to see Kevin getting angry at a mango when the seed is to big, he is pretty badass.

On the 17th of September 2009 I sent Kevin Orean this text message:

"Hi Kev i need to talk to you asap but my battery is dying can you please call me urgently on 9007 1222"

Kevin quickly called my mobile and i answered.

Kevin: Hey mate whats up 

He sounded happy to hear from me.

Custard Jim: Mate my battery is nearly dead can you please call me on 9907 1222.

Kevin: Ok no worries.

And that was it i got him. You see dear reader 9007 1222 is a gay sex hotline. You dial the number like a normal landline it rings several times then a deep sexy voice answers and say's "Welcome to Manline for the hottest guy's in sydney press one now, to hear our back door specials press two now..." and so forth. It's the shock that hurts the most. For a hetrosexual man to call a gay sex line unknowingly is such a suprise that the expeirence must be similar to being slapped in the face with a large fish.

Kevin was angry! shortly after he called my mobile it started being inundated with text messages from someone claiming to be Abo Henry an old gangster from the eighties who wanted me dead but i was not fooled that easy.

So to you Kevin Orean or Kevin Tracey or Banjo Ftizsimons or whatever you call yourself these days never forget that you had received the greatest text message one man can send to another an i hope it makes you a better man, i know i am for sending it.


I would like to include Kevin's entry into the recent Dorito's Commercial Competition. He really is a talented man.